


Chase

by topmarkuniverse



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 17:50:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19278382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/topmarkuniverse/pseuds/topmarkuniverse
Summary: "It’s time you stop looking for something you never found till now. It’s right here.”





	Chase

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PrincessWang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessWang/gifts).



> Absolute word vomit. But the pain is real.

It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal. They had read the script in advance, they knew it was coming. They had shot for the series for over four months and were pretty friendly with each other as co-stars. But when they had the table read for the episode, Mark noticed Jackson carefully avoiding his eyes. The tip of his ears were red and he kept on sipping water, fidgeting in his seat nervously.

Later, Mark went to check on him in his trailer and found the younger pacing the small space restlessly.

“Hey, dude, you okay?”

Jackson stopped and there it was again, the nervous, flushed face.

“Umm…yes. Sorry, come on in.”

Mark stepped inside and clicked the door shut. Jackson’s snippy assistant was nowhere to be seen, thankfully.

“You were sort of weird at the table read.”

Jackson scratched the back of his neck and looked away.

Mark stood silent until he realized this was about the kiss after all.

“Look, you don’t have to worry about this kiss. I…it’s the first time for me too. We will get over it like professionals. Don’t be weirded out.”

“I am not…weirded out.” Jackson mumbled and Mark walked a little closer to him. Jackson was a junior artist, at least to Mark. Mark had been in the industry since five years while this was Jackson’s second year into the business.

“Then what is it? You can tell me. I will help you out.” Mark patted his back but Jackson flinched at the touch.

“Mark…the thing is…umm…please don’t take this in the wrong way…”

Mark frowned. What was going on?

“What is it?”

“Ever since you debuted…I have sort of had a very fat crush on you…you are my favourite actor and…when I got this script, I was elated. I didn’t think much about anything else when I got the offer. And when we met, I realized you were a really great guy. And now that we have been shooting the show for so long…I just…I don’t know…”

Okay, this was awkward. Mark was a thorough professional and he never mingled with his co-stars. However, Jackson was young and bubbly, a goofy actor that made the set come to life. Mark had opened up to him over the past few months and was happy to call Jackson his friend. But hearing what Jackson had to say…he sort of freaked out.

“Jackson…I am sorry, I don’t mix my personal and professional life, I never have. It affects my performance and…I am sorry but I think we are friends. I am really flattered but…we need to focus on this show if we want to continue giving good performances. I hope you-”

“I do, I do understand. Thanks and forget I said anything. I am really sorry about this. You are my friend and a senior, I will remember that.” The younger smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Mark nodded awkwardly and walked out, feeling terrible about the way he had handled it. He had never been too good at handling unexpected stuff thrown at him. Now, he regretted the way he had brushed Jackson off. The least he could do after knowing him for so long was to put him down gently.

**

The shooting resumed two days after the table read because of some technical difficulties. Mark hadn’t spoken to Jackson at all since the last time. It was awkward and sort of off putting to see Jackson with his own crew, barely interacting with the other cast of the show. This was the very reason why Mark never mixed personal and professional life together. But to each his own. Even when he had tried to keep himself away from it, he was affected and he had no idea why.

The set was ready. There were hardly eight people around in contrast of the usual 20 or so. The director had decided to have minimum staff on set for the scenes because the cast could get awkward if there were too many people around.

It was a simple and small scene. Mark was supposed to walk into the kitchen where Jackson was having coffee, hug him from behind in greeting. Then Jackson was supposed to tell him about his impending date with a girl he had met at a bar the previous night. Mark was going to be thrown off by the news and have a meltdown because ‘you are my best friend and I can’t see you waste your life like this’. Then they were going to argue a bit about it, Mark was going to grab Jackson by the collar and kiss him silly as a confession of his interest and Jackson was supposed to stand there motionless for a few seconds. That was the end of the scene.

Due to Jackson’s confession, he and Mark had not practiced the scene because Jackson had just not spoken to him much apart from polite hi and bye. They usually rehearsed their lines but this time it didn’t happen. The director had also noticed but did not comment because this was definitely going to be a bit difficult for male actors. Mark had assured them that he would perform well and there was nothing to worry about so they had not intervened.

When Jackson appeared on the set, his usual chattering happy self was nowhere to be seen. He was serious and went right into position. After minor lighting adjustments, the cameras started rolling. Jackson hadn’t even looked at Mark ever since he had arrived. Mark gulped.

Mark was a lot of things but not unkind. But the way he had rejected Jackson’s feelings made him doubt himself. He was sure it must hurt, it reflected in Jackson’s eyes and his body language. Mark truly valued his friendship with Jackson even if it had never crossed the professional barrier. It was a good relief from all the fake friendships he had had with other people from the industry. He actually enjoyed the time on set because of Jackson and now he had totally ruined it. Probably, once this scene was over, Jackson would go back to his normal, happy self. Hope was all Mark was holding onto and the director yelled action.

Mark walked towards Jackson, saw his slightly slumped shoulders and felt his stomach drop. He quickly put his arms around him from behind and rested his chin on his shoulder. Jackson stiffened at the touch for a moment, but relaxed immediately as he felt Mark breathe on his cheek.

“Hi! Did you just get home? Had a rough night?” Mark delivered his lines as expected, practiced and professional. He felt Jackson’s Adam’s apple bob against his arm that was wrapped around his neck.

“Yeah. Do you want some coffee?” Jackson patted his arms and Mark let him go. He came to sit in front of him and nodded. Jackson poured him coffee and they stared at each other for a brief moment before Jackson got back into character. He broke into a goofy smile as he passed him the mug.

“I got a date tonight. Dude, she’s such a hot chick,” Jackson drew a slender figure in the air with his hands and winked.

Mark frowned. For a second, he actually imagined Jackson with a hot chick in a bar. His frown deepened. He was dabbling between his character and his true self and it was getting suffocating.

“I met her at Devil’s Own. She’s totally bangable. Damn. You should have seen her. She’s-”

Mark didn’t let him complete his line and abruptly got up, the scraping of the chair making a god awful noise.

Jackson’s eyes widened for a second before he realized Mark was improvising the scene a bit. It was common and never frowned upon by the writers or directors because Mark delivered the scene beyond their expectations.

Mark walked up to him and leaned in front of him, his palms resting on the table close to his mug and he looked down at him intently.

“You keep dating women right and left but never seem to settle on one. What is it that you are chasing? Are you not finding it at all?”

This was nowhere near the lines that they had. This was totally off the script but the emotion with which Mark asked him the question, Jackson felt compelled to improvise an answer. That and the cameras were still rolling, as if the director wanted to see where this was going.

“Eh, you know me. I never feel like any of these chicks love me. They like me for my money. May be I am not lovable enough, probably I am lacking a lot…” Jackson finished, his vulnerability flowing out of his system from his words, eyes and body.

“You? Lacking?” Mark leaned closer and Jackson felt his heart stuttering. Mark was breathing on his face now, intently looking into his eyes.

“Hmm…but what is up with you today? Why these sudden deep questions?” Jackson moved away, trying to steer the scene in the right direction, hoping against hope that the writers wouldn’t mind him bending his lines a bit.

“I am tired, Ren. I look at you and see you hurting deep down under this stupid guise of a playboy image you have going. We haven’t been best friends for years for me to not see this. Stop wasting your life.”

Okay, Mark was 95% back on the scene but the lines were still very deeply improvised.

“Are you suddenly tired of seeing me banging random chicks when that is what you yourself do most of the times, Will?” Jackson asked incredulously, his tone a bit high pitched than intended.

“What? What the hell are you talking about? I have stopped that shit since a while now. If only you paid any attention to the people who care about you…” Mark hissed angrily and Jackson felt a jolt in his chest. Mark was on another level today, a little on edge.

Jackson steeled himself from any distraction and said the lines he had painfully memorized because what was to come after those was the kiss.

“Are you mad at me for some reason? What is this all about? Stop being so pissy this early in the-”

Again, Mark didn’t let him complete his lines. Instead, grabbed him by the collar and hauled him up before staring into his eyes angrily. Suddenly, Jackson regretted not rehearsing with Mark. He really should have because to have the elder in front of him like that made him shiver.

“Will…” Jackson muttered, not knowing where he was finding the confidence to keep on going. The director was also not bothering to cut the shot. They had never had a shot so perfect since the beginning. They always did at least two retakes before he okayed a shot.

Mark slowly tugged him closer, gulping, staring at his lips and then into his eyes.

“Will, what the hell,” Jackson tried to free himself because why not!

Mark let go of his collar but then grabbed his nape with one hand, strongly and too confidently for someone who was kissing a guy for the first time. Then he was nibbling on his bottom lip, breathing heavily before making a sound, pulling him closer. Jackson felt attacked and vulnerable at the same time. For a moment, he was himself and not his character, he whimpered. Mark’s aggression only seemed to grow, going through a motion of weird anger and possessiveness as his lips seemed to assert a claim. Jackson was a lost cause because Mark could take and take and take, and Jackson would give and give and give it all. Their lips moved delicately and Jackson lost himself to a cloudy feeling.

Then it suddenly came to a stop. Mark rested his forehead on his and huffed. He didn’t let go of his nape though. With his closed eyes and slightly open mouth, Mark was already making Jackson disintegrate inside. He moved slightly but Mark held him in place before snapping his eyes open.

“Ren. It’s time you stop looking for something you never found till now. It’s right here.” He finished.

Mark let go and they looked at each other. Jackson’s surprised face was as real as his character’s because that kiss was…just…too…much.

“CUT!”

They both flinched, coming back to reality. Jackson’s face immediately gained colour, so did Mark’s. They both turned away from each other and walked to their respective trailers, not even turning back once. The director didn’t stop them because there was visible tension there and he had captured an immensely amazing scene. Mark was indeed an amazing actor.

 

 

 

After the episode aired, Mark and Jackson trended worldwide. The clips of their kiss went viral, being called the most surprising moment of the show. Mark was being lauded for his amazing acting, the ratings had soared immensely.

The network and the producers were really happy, everyone related to the show was happy except Mark. Though he met Jackson every day for the shoot, something had definitely changed. It pissed Mark off. It was really unlike him to react in any way, but he was reacting. He had become emotionally distant ever since he had joined the industry because people used each other in some way or the other and he disliked it. He didn’t want to be a chip, didn’t want to be used and thrown away.

But Jackson, he had been different. He had never tried to use Mark’s star status to his own advantage. Many of the cast members had cameras in his face every chance they got to get clout, asked him favours that he did grant out of politeness but didn’t personally feel good about. Mark wasn’t even supposed to be thinking much about anybody or anything in life at that point. But he was. He was thinking and feeling. He was missing Jackson’s genuine friendship. His sadness wasn’t a good sign.

Things took an interesting turn when Mark got up to the news of Jackson coming out as gay. It was a huge deal. It really was. Jackson hadn’t been in the industry for long but had played some iconic roles already. Though he was yet to sign a movie, his TV shows had always done well. So the news was received with a mixed response. Jackson’s female fans were both happy and sad, the male fans were quite shocked but there was no negativity there. There were drama sites posting about how Jackson had realized he was gay only after kissing Mark. Some had even gone as far as quoting false statements.

Jackson’s Instagram post was simple but sweet. It read:

_Dear People who love me,_

_This morning I got up and decided that I needed to share something really important with you. I don’t know how you guys are going to receive this news but I gotta take this chance. Guys, I am a gay man. I have been since a long time. Recently, I have felt compelled to be more forthcoming about this and I hope that you will continue to support and love me. May be I am trying to find something that I have been chasing since long. You guys are the absolute best._

_Yours only,_

_Jackson_

He had captioned a picture of himself smiling softly. There were so many hearts in the post that Mark couldn’t help but snort. Jackson was such a child.

There were a lot of comments and likes on the post and overall Jackson seemed to have only gained a bigger following since he broke the news.

Mark decided to be brave and left a comment that read:

_“Jackson, I hope your chase ends soon. Best wishes, dear friend.”_

He stared at his own words and then he started getting too many notifications. Many people were liking his comment while some were asking him if he was the one Jackson was chasing. Mark exited the app and sighed.

Jackson hadn’t liked or replied to his comment and it was becoming a topic for the drama sites to talk about. There was obvious traction from shippers who loved to claim that Mark and Jackson were secretly dating now that their public appearances had become too rare.

When Mark got to the set, everyone was in a jovial mood, talking to Jackson, congratulating him and asking him who he wanted to hit up now that he was in the market openly. When Mark walked closer, everyone made room for him.

Jackson exchanged greetings with him politely and invited him to a cast dinner that he had planned for the evening. Mark graciously agreed because he really wanted to spend some time relaxing, knowing Jackson wasn’t avoiding him. He hadn’t stepped out of his politeness or crossed the line of their professionalism ever since Mark had turned him down. It cut deep. Mark didn’t know why but it really cut deep.

 

 

 

Jackson had slowly wormed his way in Mark’s life. Mark hadn’t realized it until Jackson’s absence had become alarming. As the show’s season neared an end, Jackson was seen less and less on sets. Even just shooting with Jackson everyday had become a habit. His absence only made Mark crabby and irritated.

In spite of everything that had gone down, Jackson had only treated him with respect of a senior and at times, a friend. It was becoming increasingly difficult for Mark to mask the discomfort of being treated so professionally after he was used to Jackson’s extremely warm and happy friendship.

On the last day of the shoot, all of them gathered and discussed the schedule for their next season. Jackson’s role in the next season wasn’t as big as in the first. It was a bit disappointing but there was still time for the writers to work over it.

They had all planned to have a cast lunch together and spend some time relaxing, taking pictures and being happy.

Mark was happy but not really. Ends of any kind were really hard for him to digest because familiarity was not always easy to find. Mark had grown attached to the cast and the crew, and Jackson. And now it was time to take a break, take a step back.

**

After a loud, cheerful lunch where Jackson was cheerful than Mark remembered him being, Jackson walked towards his trailer. Things were going to slow down. His mask could now be removed and kept aside because he didn’t need to see Mark every day or work with him in close quarters. It was a bittersweet pain.

Jackson had cried himself to sleep countless times, told himself that love wasn’t an emotion that was easily reciprocated. It had to grow over time, both ways. It was pretty obvious from the very beginning that Mark only dated women. The rumour mill manufactured the same news about him. Handsome young actor Mark Tuan spotted with this super model, that actress. It was all so cliché, to fall for someone unreachable, someone who so easily had brushed him off. It hurt but Jackson only learned from it. He learned to keep it in. Let the pain toil under his skin, slow, quiet, and visceral. Tears streamed down his eyes because now he wouldn’t have to live through hell, but also because Mark would go further away from him. May be it was for the best. Getting over the first love of your life should be a learning curve, right?

“Jackson…”

He stopped and closed his eyes tightly to let the remaining tears flow out. Then he quickly rubbed at them with his sleeve, mustered his brave smile and turned around to face Mark.

“Hey. What’s up?”

Mark’s face seemed to fall, why Jackson didn’t dare ask.

“I bought you something. I…I bought everyone something…sort of like a present, you know. We don’t know how long it will take for us to start shooting again…so…here.” Mark brought out a small rectangular box out of his pocket.

“You don’t have to-”

“Please. Take it.”

Jackson did.

“Thank you. I have learned so much from you this past year. I heard you are doing a movie. Congratulations on that,” Jackson smiled, but like always, it didn’t reach his eyes.

Mark’s heart palpitated. He wanted to say something to make it all better and like old times but words failed him.

“Thank you. If you ever feel like…umm…hanging out, do call.” Mark breathed out, feeling a cold shiver run down his body. There was no chance he was going to see Jackson for a while, probably for six to seven months from then. So he looked at this face. The make-up wasn’t doing a very great job of covering his eye bags. His eyes looked dead if not cold. Mark felt responsible so he moved forward, arms outstretched to just hold the man in front of him. But Jackson took a step back, gulping, smiling sadly and shaking his head.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” He muttered before climbing into his trailer and softly shutting the door.

Mark stood rooted to his spot, not understanding the burning ache in his heart.

**

A month passed in absolute rush. Mark barely had time to breathe. He was shooting for a new Indie film and even if the hours were less, the role took a lot out of him. He had made a habit of coming home tired, checking his social media and hovering over Jackson’s name for a while before passing out. Then he had started to look at Jackson’s pictures, stories and comments, the way he was living his life away from him. It looked peaceful and normal. It let him sleep at night because had it been any other way, the guilt would have killed him. They hadn’t spoken much apart from the one time that Jackson had called him up to invite him to a party that he was throwing for their director’s wedding. Mark couldn’t attend, of course, because he was in Paris. Otherwise, they all had a group chat, a public space where the two of them didn’t interact much, apart from emojis and exclamation marks on Jackson’s part.

There was not a single day that Mark didn’t think about Jackson. May be it was the overwhelming guilt he felt at outright rejecting him or the sadness of losing a good friend he had made in many years or may be…just may be it was loneliness that filled his heart. He had never felt lonely when Jackson was around.

 

 

 

Jackson’s life was a bit relaxed that he had expected. He stayed home as much as he could, spent time with his family, went on a few trips to calm himself down but the void in his heart just didn’t seem to fill. It was obvious that he was being childish. He was unable to move past a rejection. He remembered being rejected by a bunch of girls in high school, some aspiring actresses during his struggling days. It had never bothered him much but Mark’s…it had broken him somewhere.

Mark was the very reason he had gotten into acting. He was not only young but also humble and talented. It had appealed Jackson on so many levels. Mark’s eyes would convey so much emotion so easily that it was hard to not feel what he was feeling. The camera sometimes failed to do justice to Mark’s acting and that just made Jackson mad. Mark had had a struggling period alright but he had soared so fast that Jackson couldn’t believe there was someone as talented as him in the industry.

The inspiration he got from Mark to do something well and impressive was what made Jackson Mark’s fan. It had been gradual, the transition from blind idolization to blinding infatuation. Mark was attractive, there was no other way to go about it. Jackson had come to realize that he was not bound by gender to feel things for someone. Mark made him break his own shackles and see the world differently. Jackson had worked hard to the point of exhaustion and mental breakdown, attended so many auditions, gotten rejected so many times that he felt like quitting. But one look at Mark’s smiling face would make him want to work harder thinking _‘Would Mark just quit if he was in my place? No way, he wouldn’t. I shouldn’t either.’_

Life had a beautiful way of rewarding people who worked hard. Jackson had gotten a big break after his small role in a failing TV series had been widely appreciated, so much that he got to do his own spin off. Things has picked up pace after that, falling into place without much effort. He couldn’t believe the day he got a show with Mark. It was Mark’s first time committing to a TV show and Jackson was going to get to be in it.

When he had first met Mark, he had realized that he had even more reason to adore him. Mark was not just good looking or talented, he was down to earth and innocent. Stardom hadn’t gotten to his head one bit. His humbleness was awe inspiring. He was a great person to be friends with, smiling easily, talking softly and always, always being kind to everyone around him. His acting was no joke. He mesmerized the crowd with the way he moved his eyes, the pitch of his voice, the tilt of his chin, the flip of his hair, the delicate movement of his fingers and his very existence. Jackson was impressed, overwhelmed, and vulnerable and weakened as he got to know Mark more. They had become good friends and reached a level of optimum comfort. However, it was all on set, for those hours of shooting.

Jackson had never over-stepped, never texted the elder too much, never crossed the line until the day he had confessed. Things had only gone downhill since then, making Jackson believe that his love was but a problem. He had distanced himself from the elder consciously because his own face was a mirror of his emotions and he didn’t want to broadcast his sadness to the world. He wanted to do a good job and it was imperative for them to be away from each other to maintain that fine balance.

Mark had tried hard to compensate but Jackson had never acknowledged any of those moves. It was not out of anger or sadness but because Jackson was too weak for gestures. He would have fallen deeper into love with the man so he had to be a bit heartless. He disguised his sadness behind professional interactions and hoped he would be okay as time passed by.

A month into being away from the man had made his lose his mind a bit. The pain seemed to only grow as he sometimes replayed his scenes with Mark. The way Mark looked at him after the episode with the kiss scene had changed. Was it pity? Was it guilt? He didn’t know but he didn’t like it. It made him feel open and wounded. Jackson cried at times, curled on the floor, clutching his stomach, holding Mark’s gift in his palm. It was a pocket watch, beautiful and silver because Mark knew he didn’t like gold. Jackson would kiss it a million times, whimper in yearning until he was too tired to keep his eyes open. He was living but not so well. It was a privilege to be an actor, he thought, because he could successfully hide his sorrow for most of the time.

 _‘A few more days, only a few more,’_ he would whisper to himself, hoping that one day the pain would stop and he would be free.

**

Mark saw Jackson three months later at a Popularity Award show. It was surreal. Dressed in his best, Jackson looked happy and vibrant, so much that Mark felt like he didn’t have to be worrying at all. But then, Jackson was also with someone, a plus one, a date perhaps? While Mark had seats reserved in the front, Jackson was two row behind him, conversing with someone who, according to Mark, didn’t belong to the industry.

Mark had come alone, not bothering about a plus one. He was not expecting to win anything but he had high hopes for the show to win at least one award.

So when Jackson’s name was announced as the winner for the best supporting actor in the male category, Mark couldn’t help but clap really hard, stand up and smile wide, realizing he was the only one in his row doing so. He didn’t care, he clapped till Jackson walked to the stage and accepted the trophy.

Jackson stood right in front of him, looked down at him and smiled, apprehensive for a second before it was a full blown shine fest as camera started clicking. Mark finally sat down, heart beating wildly.

“I would like to thank the cast and crew of ‘The Last Word’. I wouldn’t have got this without you guys. I am so honoured to have worked with all of you. The network, producers, writers, our director, I am so blessed to have done this show with you guys. Thanks to my parents who have always supported me, my friends and colleagues for their constant encouragement, thanks to everyone who was involved in this show…” he paused, gulped and breathed into the mic, looking at the crowd before finding Mark’s eyes again.

“Thank you, Mark. I wouldn’t have gotten into acting if it weren’t for you. You are a great mentor, friend and idol for me. I will always keep looking up to you. Not many know this, but I entered this industry because of this man right here. He is an acting genius. Thank you so much, Mark. Have a great night everybody.”

The applause was loud and Mark could feel his eyes going moist as he saw Jackson walk down the stage. He never knew…

Mark had ended up winning the Best Actor award for the show and he had choked up on the stage, but had managed to say the right things, finding Jackson in the crowd and looking at him to feel grounded. Mark was losing and winning.

 

 

 

Mark avoided after parties at all costs but this time, the whole cast of the show was there. It was fun to be with them again. And Jackson was there, smiling, hugging everyone happily while his plus one trailed behind him.

When Mark finally found the courage to approach him, with a drink in his hand, Jackson smiled, soft and nice.

“Hey, you,” he greeted, clinking glasses.

“Hey.” Mark’s throat had a lump.

“Congratulations on your win tonight, man. You totally deserved it.” Jackson spoke.

“You too.” Mark mustered a smile as he saw Jackson’s plus one hook his arm with him.

“This is Daniel. Daniel, you know Mark,” Jackson introduced. Mark shook hands with the man who smiled, all star-struck and happy.

“I am a big fan, Mr Tuan. It’s an honour to meet you. Jackson keeps talking about you all the time. He really admires your work.” The man finished and Mark looked at Jackson. The tip of his ears were red again, due to alcohol or Daniel’s words, he didn’t know.

“Thank you. Jackson sells himself short. He is really talented. He is going to have the industry at his feet soon.” Mark smiled and nodded at Jackson before politely excusing himself. He couldn’t stand there, he just couldn’t.

“Send the car,” Mark spoke into the phone to his manager, lightly placed his drink at the table, waved good bye to the cast.

The artists had a heavily guarded exit. Only a small, quiet passageway would lead Mark out. It was raining heavily so he wanted to get into his car as soon as he could. After taking one last look at Jackson talking to someone, he quickly made his way towards the door.

The passageway was quiet. Obviously, nobody was leaving as soon as he was. He could clearly hear rain thrashing the building. He popped open the buttons of his suit, and some on his shirt, loosening himself up as he slowly walked. He ran his hand through his hair but the stress he felt didn’t dissipate. He felt suffocated and agitated.

It was safe to say that Jackson had moved on. It was a good possibility. His face flashed in front of Mark’s eyes and his heart hurt. Could guilt do this to a person…or? A sob bubbled out of his chest. He missed Jackson. Now, if he missed him just as a friend, a co-star or more, he didn’t know. After Jackson had revealed that Mark had always been his inspiration, things just got a little more intense. That only meant Jackson had felt the way he did longer than Mark had known, deeper than he had expected. And then the confession had happened, and the kiss scene, his coming out. It felt like it was all linked and he didn’t know if he had made it worse for Jackson. He just knew he couldn’t go back to the ‘no-feelings while working’ side.

He furiously rubbed at his eyes and breathed long breaths to calm himself down. The possibility that he might have reciprocated Jackson’s feelings without even knowing, all this time, while away, while battling guilt…scared him. More so, the thought that he would never be able to tell Jackson because he had moved on with someone…hurt.

Mark sprinted, unable to hold in his feelings, completely failing to sense someone’s presence behind him.

“Mark…” Jackson called out. It was too late, Mark was gone but the heart-breaking sound of his sob still gave Jackson chills. Mark was in pain and that put Jackson in pain. He didn’t know what was wrong but he felt compelled to ask, to make sure Mark was going to be alright.

“Can you get Mark’s hotel info?” Jackson asked his manager but his manager was not happy. He didn’t want Jackson to get involved into a new wave of rumours.

“I don’t want you to tell me nonsense, Sean. I am going to go see him. Find out if the hotel will allow me to enter low-key. Do something. I have to go see him. Send the car over.”

Jackson drove to Mark’s hotel, the rain was a mess. He kept getting calls from his manager about being careful but he disregarded them all. He had to let Daniel leave early because he couldn’t stay. It was a relief that he hadn’t asked any questions.

Mark was staying in the presidential suite so the access to that floor was anyway limited. The hotel had promised utmost secrecy about his visit, given he would stay with them the next time. Jackson had readily agreed. The rain had got him a bit wet because he was too impatient to get to Mark. The elevator ride made him jittery. He hadn’t thought about how he was going to explain his visit. He hadn’t been the best kind of friend to Mark all these months. Suddenly showing up at his door unannounced was going to be weird. When the doors opened, he felt his nervousness deflate and get replaced by worry.

He knocked slowly. Mark opened the door, looking dishelved and messy. His eyes widened before turning affectionate and Jackson could swear his heart was ready to burst out of his chest.

“You? Here?” Mark opened the door wider to let him in.

Jackson just nodded. Mark softly closed the door and stood against it, staring at him.

Jackson brushed his hair because it was wet and wiped at his face with his sleeve.

“What’s up?” Mark asked, already feeling shitty about being so messed up.

Jackson looked at him and sighed, unable to meet his eyes. It was like reliving the same day when he had confessed to Mark. He couldn’t look into the elder’s eyes. It was too much.

“Jackson, why are you here?” Mark asked, his tone hurt and God, Jackson just wanted to hold the man.

“You avoid me all these months so tenaciously and then you show up here unannounced.” Mark spat, the hurt only increasing with every passing moment.

“What do you want from me? Just what? You don’t speak to me much and then suddenly thank me in front of the whole world and tell them I was your inspiration? That’s just…” Mark closed his eyes and composed himself. “Why are you here?”

“Mark…” Jackson started but he didn’t know what to say anymore. Mark was right. Jackson had been too distant and reserved past few months. But he had to do it to get over him, to leave the pain behind.

They stood in silence for a while. Mark didn’t know what to do or say. Jackson didn’t know if he had done the right thing by coming here. His feelings were bubbling to the surface. All he wanted to do was be in Mark’s arms, ask him why he was hurting, why he was dealing with it all alone.

“I am sorry.” Jackson muttered, heart breaking at how some things never went the way he wanted them to.

Mark didn’t say anything, just stared at Jackson’s face. Even with a wet face, he looked adorable. There was so much emotion in his eyes that it felt wrong to not look into them.

“Mark…” Jackson said his name again as if it would help dissipate the painful tension in the room.

The tremble in Jackson’s voice every time he said his name made Mark feel low.

“I saw you leave…I heard you cry. I was worried. Are you alright? Is everything alright?”

Mark’s heart jerked in his chest. It was so embarrassing to know that Jackson had seen him be vulnerable like that.

“You left the after party and your boyfriend to come ask me if I was alright.” Mark muttered and looked away.

“Mark, you think that the party is more important than you are to me?” Jackson sounded hurt and offended.

“What about Daniel? Isn’t he important?” Mark asked, clearly hearing himself be petty and immature, completing his quota of a lifetime in a second.

Jackson sighed and took a step forward.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Mark looked frustrated. He took a step forward and fisted his hands.

“You moved on. You start dating. That is supposed to make me happy, to relieve me of the guilt of breaking your heart. But the thing is, I don’t feel happy. I feel angry. I feel empty and lonely. I have no friends in this industry. I had you. And then I didn’t. You just dropped me like a hot potato, didn’t you?” Mark’s voice had broken half way and Jackson couldn’t take it anymore.

He surged forward and pulled Mark into an embrace so tight that Mark whimpered.

“You stupid man, you stupid, stupid, stupid man.” Jackson muttered against his shoulder while holding onto him for dear life.

Mark held him back, finally letting himself sob into the comfort of Jackson’s shoulder. After a calming beat, they separated but Jackson held onto Mark’s shoulders, keeping him close.

“I never dropped you, Mark. How could I? I could never drop you. It hurt. I didn’t want the world to know it hurt. I didn’t want to keep looking at you and repress my feelings. I had no choice. It was hard but necessary. I didn’t want to burden you.” Jackson’s eyes bled tears and Mark scrunched his face in pain.

“Does Daniel make you happy, Jackson? I think I need to know. I just want to know that you are happy. I think about it a lot. I feel bad. I was so cold with you. I am sorry to have brushed you off so brutally. I am so sorry for everything.”

He wiped at Jackson’s cheeks gently. He had no right to hurt Jackson more. He had to let him go.

“What are you even talking about? Daniel is not my boyfriend. He’s my assistant’s cousin. He begged for me to take him because he is a big fan. I couldn’t say no.”

The way Mark’s shoulders sagged in relief almost made Jackson laugh.

“Why the sudden deep questions?” Jackson snorted.

Mark finally broke down and rested his forehead against Jackson’s, pulling him closer by the nape just like he had during the kiss scene.

“It’s time you stop looking for something you never found till now. It’s right here.” Mark breathed and kissed Jackson, slow, insistent, apologetic and intense. Jackson shivered, getting pulled even closer by the elder, going willingly, to give and give and give. Mark wrapped his other hand around Jackson’s waist and grabbed him by his hair, kissing him even more passionately when he felt the man respond just as eagerly.

Mark could smell the rain on Jackson’s cheek, the expensive room freshener, the static silence around them. He could hear the slide of Jackson’s lips over his own, feel the glide of his tongue against his own, his breathing, slowly rising, hands trying to find purchase.

“Just let me hold you,” Mark spoke against his lips, into his mouth. So Jackson let him.

Once they were done, they stared at each other with pupils blown and swollen lips.

“I missed you every second of every day. I missed you. You are just…too much for my heart.” Mark threaded his fingers through Jackson’s hair. The younger closed his eyes and hummed. Mark planted small kisses on his forehead before relaxing.

Jackson tried to get out of his hold but he didn’t let go. He snorted.

“My suit is wet. Let me go.”

“No.” Mark hugged him. “Never letting you go ever again.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave comments if you liked it.


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